Back to School without chaos

As a therapist and educator, I treasure the summer months. It is a time to slow down, enjoy the outdoors, attend cultural events, and spend relaxing days at the beach. My 14-year-old daughter feels the same; freed from the pressures of school, she has a chance to rest and enjoy her teenage years.

But as lovely as summer is, the return to school often brings a mix of anticipation and anxiety for families. As August winds down and the new school year approaches, stress levels begin to rise for both parents and children.

Summer’s Slow Rhythm vs. the School-Year Sprint

For caregivers, the return of early mornings, school drop-offs and pick-ups, traffic delays, homework supervision, and preparing school uniforms and supplies can feel overwhelming.

Children, too, face their unique challenges, including academic expectations, extracurricular schedules, social adjustments, and the abrupt transition from weeks of relaxed routines to waking up early. For families with more than one school-age child, the logistical and emotional load is even heavier. The financial pressure of buying books, uniforms, and supplies only adds to the strain.

It is no surprise, then, that the back-to-school season brings emotional upheaval and requires serious adjustment. In my work with families, one of the most effective tools I have found for easing this transition is helping clients develop and stick to supportive family routines.

Why Routines Matter

A good routine can be grounding; it brings predictability, reduces stress, and creates moments of connection even in the busiest of days. As human beings, we naturally crave order; order is embedded in our DNA and facilitates predictability. Predictability reduces stress.

When I work with families who are overwhelmed with the busyness of the school term, I encourage them to consider and develop three separate routines for school days. These three routines serve as hubs for the day, and encompass one for the morning bustle, another for after school, and a third focused on bedtime.

Morning Bustle

As a parent and a therapist supporting families, I can say that mornings are often the most stressful part of the day. One way to make mornings easier is to incorporate a ritual to start the day; this can also help reduce the stress of the morning rush. For illustration, it might be helpful to start with a hug or words of affection. Of course, a vital consideration is getting prepared for the morning the night before. This can include ensuring that school bags are packed, shoes are polished, and uniforms are pressed and clean.

Children, depending on their age, can help prepare themselves. Older children may be able to handle most of the preparation, while younger ones can manage simple tasks. For example, I worked with a family that had four children: two teenagers, a seven-year-old, and a toddler. The older children were able to press their uniforms and prepare lunches the evening before. Thanks to positive reinforcement from their parents, they also started to press clothing for their younger siblings. The seven-year-old was encouraged to pack her bag, and the toddler was able to choose her outfit for pre-school. We were able to giggle together at the end of the term when they spoke about how they became a “well-oiled mean morning machine”.

After School Reset

The after-school routine is a chance to reset, especially after a busy school day. Children and caregivers will first need a moment to slow down or “chill out”, as my teen says, at the end of the school day. This slowdown may include a brief chat and check-in, bath, snack, playtime, or even a short spell of screen time. This period of slowdown offers a brief rest before tackling homework and preparing for the next day. To make it collaborative, I often encourage adults to discuss with older children how long this relaxation interval should be.

Bedtime Wind-Down

The final routine surrounds bedtime. One helpful way to ease evening stress and support better sleep is to turn off screens at least 30 to 60 minutes before going to bed. Instead of scrolling or watching TV, families can create calming routines that facilitate connection and closure to the day. This depends on the age of children, but might include reading a story together, saying a short prayer, or sharing something everyone is grateful for. Rituals are regulating and offer opportunities to soothe the nervous system, while also providing a valuable chance for emotional check-ins, creating space for children (and adults) to recognise and name their feelings, reflect on the day, and feel heard before settling down for rest.

Final Thoughts

Back-to-school season can feel overwhelming, but it does not have to be chaotic. With a bit of thoughtfulness and teamwork, families can establish daily routines that bring order, reduce stress, and foster stronger connections. Whether it is a calm morning start, a restful afternoon reset, or a soothing bedtime wind-down, these small moments throughout the day can help children and parents feel more settled and supported as they return to school life.

Jomo Phillips, Couple & Family Therapist